No
Other Woman. The Mistress. A Secret Affair. My Neighbor's Wife. Love
and Lies. And the list goes on.
You've
seen them. May be not all; but, at least one which—admit or not,
you were entertained and “moved” by the story. Whether you're on
the side of the “original” or innocent party (because
unfortunately you could relate to such situation) or you speak for
the kabit,
the point is you enjoyed the movie.
Then
again, if you're going to think about it, why do film producers
nowadays come up with such kind of spectacle? Is this some kind of a
reflection of how things really are in real life?
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| photo source: http://www.cosmo.ph/relationships/dating-tips/your-checklist-for-a-cheat-proof-relationship/ |
If that's what this is...the reason why they make such...well...it's both shameful and heartbreaking. :(
For
the nth time: relationships don't last if both parties don't "work"
for it to create a long lasting one. That's why it's a shame that
many couple experiece rough times, finding the other cheating, which
may entail that they're NOT “working” hard to save what they
have.
Happy
I came across this article online by Lisa Murphy. I think this is
very helpful to keep relationships intact, and cheating-free!
Read
on and learn the ways how to cheat-proof your relationship:
1.
Touch each other
“Touch
your partner non-sexually every day—it raises levels of oxytocin,
the bonding hormone,” says Trina Read, a sexologist in Calgary and
author of Till Sex Do Us Part: Make Your Married Sex Irresistible.
That’s what Elizabeth in Toronto* and her partner do. “We always
give each other little smooches on the lips and cheek or touch when
we pass one another at a party.”
2.
Make time to talk—and rock
“It’s
important to make fun time together as a couple a priority,” says
Beth Mares, a Toronto psychotherapist. But it can be equally crucial
to chat regularly—weekly works for some couples—about managing
your home, parenting and how the relationship is going, she says.
Otherwise, our busy lives can allow unresolved conflicts to grow.
“Every night, while lying in bed, we talk about our days,” says
Siobhan in Dartmouth, N.S.* “It’s vanilla, but we’ve been
happily together for 16 years, so we must be doing something right!”
(Just don’t combine your problem-solving meeting with date
night—resolving problems is no aphrodisiac.)
3.
Use kindness, not curtness
It
sounds obvious, but feeling unappreciated or put down can make a
person open to cheating or an emotional affair, say our experts. A
sincere compliment or a thoughtful gesture that really speaks to your
partner’s interests—a ticket to a hockey game rather than
chocolates or flowers, for example—can go a long way. (And will
hopefully be reciprocated!) Likewise, be careful about being overly
critical, save major criticisms or any issues your partner is
sensitive about for a sit-down discussion. “There needs to be a
rule that you don’t raise dissatisfactions at times when you can’t
do anything about it—at bedtime or before work,” suggests Mares.
Otherwise they can’t be resolved and will fester. “Sarcasm and
mean-spirited jokes often have a grain of truth to them,” agrees
Naomi*, explaining why she and her husband avoid put-downs, even in
jest. Consider professional help if deep conflicts continue, however.
4.
Reinvent your sex life
This
isn’t about taking pole-dancing lessons (unless you want to), but
something perhaps even braver: creating the sex life you want.
“People invest no time—they have sex for 16 minutes every couple
of weeks and expect miraculous things,” says Read. Connected,
intimate sex means asking for what you want and moving beyond
intercourse-only thinking, she says. Maybe you can just have a bath
together or exchange foot rubs. (That’s what Louise in Oakville*
says: “We give each other almost nightly foot rubs or back
massages.”) Or, maybe you can talk about sex toys. What are
important are physical closeness, open dialogue and investing time in
your sex life. For a kick start, Read recommends having sex together
every day for seven days. “You’ll be surprised by the results!”
she says.
5.
Think about why you love your partner (or don’t)
An
April 2008 study from Florida State University found that men who
spent time thinking positively about their relationships spent less
time looking at pictures of other attractive women. So take a moment
to appreciate what you have, like Louise does: “Periodically we get
out our honeymoon diary and read it together over a glass of wine—it
takes us back to those early romantic days together.” Or, mentally
hash out what you don’t like. “If you’re dissatisfied, really
think it through,” says Mares. “You may decide that you want the
relationship, but only if it changes.” When acted upon, that
honesty can be the first step towards a more committed and faithful
bond.
6.
Slow dance
“Every
once in a while, when we feel a little disconnected, we light our
wedding candle, put on our wedding song and dance around our dining
room—sometimes even in front of the kids!” says Claire*. Physical
closeness and looking into each other’s eyes—these things can
boost intimacy, communication and desire and thereby reduce the
likelihood of looking elsewhere, adds Read.
7.
Give each other some space
It
sounds counterintuitive, but having a support system outside of your
relationship can make it more cheat-proof. “When people are too
dependent, they expect more than one person can give and they
quarrel,” explains Mares.
8.
Dig deep together
“When
the emotional part of a relationship is on a starvation diet, that’s
when people start looking around,” says Johnson. Reconnecting
requires asking some vulnerable questions about fights that keep
reoccurring, what you’re afraid of and what you need most from your
partner. As she says in her book: “Love needs attention. Knowing
your attachment needs and responding to those of your lover can make
a bond last until ‘death us do part.’” So, why not do your part
to prevent infidelity and show this article to your partner? You’ve
got nothing to lose and plenty of foot rubs to gain.
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